Get Real’s Neighborhood

Swimming, almost, through life, the air thick with thought.  A moment of clarity, a brief communal moment at the comfortable, couch-lined dressing room area of a department store.  Waiting for my daughter, others each waiting for someone else.  A short, round older woman, with a kind smile.  She didn't speak, she didn't sit.  She just smiled and walked and waited.  Stopped, and walked again, and waited, ever smiling.  A teenage girl also "just waiting for someone", her answer to another lady that wondered if the dressing rooms were full.  Her voice awakened my senses to being more fully there.  Two strangers, communicate simply, with a common understanding of the culture, as it is, that we live/shop in.  Here we all were, in comfort, none seemingly rushed or stressed.  All women, with the luxury of time and money and choice - so very many choices - of clothes to buy.  I think of how fortunate we all are, and wonder if others there have the same thought.  The woman with the most to say is an employee and she is from New York City.  She'll give her advice even if people don't want it, she explains - that's the way it is in New York and if someone doesn't like it, well, they'll get over it.  She isn't as brash as she thinks she might be, and her comments are helpful.  Then, the family passing through.  The mom pushing a stroller, the occupant is a toddler with not much expression on her face.  Someone says hello to the little girl.  I look at her blank face and in a moment of communal peace, a smile wells up from inside of me.  Young, very young, middle aged, old and older -- all women and all who this small pretty thing will become.  In those few seconds, her face brightens into a smile and I almost miss it - as her mom pushes her past as I take in all of the moment.  But I didn't miss it.  The little girl could feel the smile was genuine and that it was for her -- and she smiled back.  Pretty little girl, may your life be full and satisfying.  One day you will have your turn to be each of us. I hope your life is filled with many many smiles and much less confusion.

A person very close to me had a recent health scare that caused me to consider my interactions with this person that day and whether I might have contributed to the stress that lead to what turned out to be a massive migraine, but presented itself as a possible stroke due to the symptoms (numbness in the left side of the face and left arm and weakness on the left side, slurred speech and confusion). I was asleep when I got the call that this person was in the hospital. I didn't immediately react as I could not believe what I had heard. The caller continued, my mind caught up and my emotions followed. "You're Killing Me!" is what I finally said.

It all turned out alright, except I kept thinking about relationships whether they be long term relationships like those of kin, love, friends or the interactions that we have with the same people on a regular basis such as coworkers, grocery store clerks, friends of friends. In certain cases, the dynamics of a relationship might be that we aren't as careful with our expression of emotion and/or any personal interest we might have that the conversation or interaction serve our wants and needs, and in doing so, giving less regard for the wants, needs and feelings of the other person or people involved.

After this awful scare, I vowed to myself to be more aware in my interactions especially with this person but also with everyone and to build upon that so that eventually each person is granted my respect, consideration and if needed, my genuine empathy for whatever is going on with them. If the situation exists that I need something from the interaction or would like something specific from the interaction I can communicate this and listen to them keenly while working towards what I want or towards an acceptable compromise without 'thinking past' the person or people involved.

You may be thinking, that's basic. Of course this isn't a new idea, but sometimes we forget or are caught in the dynamics of the relationship and don't think to act any differently than we always have. Probably, depending on how tuned in we are that day, it's a combination of all of these things.

Finally, I settled on the idea that with each interaction we have with another we are doing one of three things. We are either

1) Building something
2) Maintaining the status quo, or
3) Breaking something down.

Mostly, I would like to be building something, that's what taking the care I wish to take is about. I recognize though, that sometimes there is cause for maintaining the status quo, with plans to return to building something again when the stressful or very busy time of one or the other's life calls for most of their attention. I hope not to be breaking something down in any of my relationships. I hope to act in a way that does not impose undue stress on another. Thinking less about what "I" want or need at that moment and instead, thinking equally about what both or every party to the relationship wants or needs.

At some times more than others I tend to think inward and move from action to action without always being fully present. I hope to begin to change that.

Testing Blog it -- Facebook App for posting to VOX and other services.

Dearest You,

Please:

(1) Go to Google Alerts at http://www.google.com/alerts .
(2) Fill in the blanks as shown below.

Allow

Check out what comes into your inbox as you have time to.  It will consist of a variety of postings, new writings, ideas, things to contemplate that lead one towards greater understanding of oneself and others, but not limited.

These are writings, thoughts and ideas in which the author have taken the time to think about and write about something and have used the phrase "allow yourself to feel" in their writing as a way to express their idea to others.

Needless to say, but I will, this is a phrase used when one person tries to help another.

There will be some things that you relate to, and some that you do not.  That is ok.  Those that you don't relate to directly, you may one day, either through your own experience or the trials of another you would be able to lend support to.

We are human beings.  We are born, we live and try to figure it out (because it is our nature).  We suffer, we suffer, we suffer because we have the need and the ability to feel.  But we need not live in the suffering.  Feel it, yes, feel it.  But allow yourself to feel it, accept it, and open yourself up to feeling that which is good and wonderful too.

We have the opportunity to live fully no matter who we are, no matter where we are.

I believe this.  I want this for everyone.

Take wonderful care,

Patricia

Laughing Down Lonely Canyons

Fear corrodes my dreams tonight and mist has greyed
        my hills,
Mountains seem too tall to climb, December winds
        are chill.
There's no comfort on the earth, I am a child
        abandoned,
        Till I feel your hand in mine
        And laugh down lonely canyons.
       
Snow has bent the trees in grief, my summer dreams
        are dead,
Flowers are but ghostly stalks, the clouds drift
        dull as lead.
There's no solace in the sky, I am a child abandoned,
        Till we chase the dancing moon
        And laugh down lonely canyons.
       
Birds have all gone south too soon and frogs refuse to
        sing,
Deer lie hidden in the woods, the trout asleep till
        spring.
There's no wisdom in the wind, I am a child
        abandoned,
        Till we race across the fields
        And laugh down lonely canyons.
       
Darkness comes too soon tonight, the trees are silent
        scars,
Rivers rage against the rocks and snow conceals the
        stars.
There's no music in the air, I am a child abandoned,
        Till I feel my hand in yours
        And laugh down lonely canyons.
       
        - James Kavanaugh

--
"We are meant to have our joy, and find it." - Richard Kobertz

excerpted from an article by Steve Pavlina:

How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it's faster).
2. Write at the top, "What is my true purpose in life?"
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn't have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

The entire article is here:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/01/how-to-discover-your-life-purpose-in-about-20-minutes/

"Grant yourself a moment of peace and you will understand how
foolishly you have scurried about. Learn to be silent and you will
notice that you have talked too much. Be kind and you will realize
that your judgment of others was too severe." -Tschen Tschi Ju

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. - Carl Jung

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Joseph Addison